By: Samhitha Nair X A

My veil of confidence fell as I sat down on the train seat,
My sapphire eyes immediately shooting down to my feet.
The demons began battling once again in my head,
Slashing through my bran, making sure everyone was either injured or dead.

My calves were tickled by a scrap of paper that appeared,
Instinctively, I picked it up, hoping to get it out of my hair.

Purely out of curiosity, I turned it over to read up on what I had missed.
As my eyes darted to the title, my breath hitched.

The mug shot of your face confirmed my suspicions, despite reading your name,
My brain trying to convince me it was all just a silly game.
But the horrible things the report said about your lies,
Made me think otherwise.

And all of a sudden, the memories hit.

I remembered the first time we met under a tree;
I remembered the first time you told me you loved me.
I remembered the late night talks that ended at three;
I remembered that with you, I felt free.

I remembered the teddy bear you had won for me at the arcade;
I remembered you helping me make my horrible past fade away.
I remembered that angelic laugh that gave me butterflies;
I remembered the night those very butterflies died.

I remembered you screaming, spit flying from your mouth;
I remembered you telling me to get out.
I remembered the hit on my face when I did not comply;
I remembered the many times I feared for my life.

I remembered the day I decided I had had enough;
I remembered believing myself when I said I was tough.
I remembered looking back as I walked out in the middle of the night
I remembered regretting not being able to put up a fight.

I read the headline once, twice, thrice, then a fourth and a fifth;
I would be lying if I said I wasn’t miffed.
I began begging myself not to feel pity and cry;
Then again, even I could not believe my lie.

Tears of anger flooded my eyes, turning from blue to gray;
Tears of sadness made me wish I had stayed.
Tears of guilt ran down my cheeks, my hands not bothering to wipe them so no one would stare,
But tears of joy – the most prominent – told me I no longer had to be scared.

So I willed myself to stop,
Reminding myself that I was not a flop.
That in no way was I at fault;
He just merely had the keys to my vault.

And my mind travelled elsewhere,
If in another life, you would actually care.
As your face would stare back lovingly at me,
And we would have lived happily.